transitions

I ran the Holy Half Marathon last Sunday and I still haven't written about it.

I wrote my last blog post seventeen days ago.

Those past seventeen days have been dedicated to getting my feet back under me, trying to adjust to a lot of changes that I've been confronted with, and preparing myself for the changes that I know are on the horizon.

For the past month, I haven't been feeling well while I've been running. I was pushing myself through it, blaming it on the weather and mental stress, but trying desperately not to blame it on my Crohn's disease. I was diagnosed with a relatively mild case of Crohn's almost two years ago, and while it is a constant thought in the back of my mind on a daily basis, it has never affected my running life to this extent. For the past month, every time I ran, my stomach would retaliate to the point where it was borderline impossible to finish my runs.

The morning of the Holy Half, I woke up knowing that I had fed myself all the right foods, and was praying that my stomach would cooperate.

It didn't.

While the 80° weather didn't help, my stomach wanted no part of that race. Even by mile 3, I wanted to double over in pain because I felt so bad. I parted ways with my running buddy so as not to slow him down anymore than I already had, re-tied my shoes, and started walking. I contemplated simply walking off the route, but the thought pushed me to tears. Literally.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a crier. Let alone a crier in public. Looking back, it wasn't just the thought of not finishing the race that made me a blubbering mess, but it was confronting the reality that running had turned into a source of stress, as opposed to the stress reliever that it once was in my life. I also crumbled knowing that my Crohn's wasn't under control anymore.

Due to my unhealthy stubborn streak, I finished the race. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't fast, but I finished.  When I crossed the finish line, I desperately tried to find any of my friends hoping that someone would wait for me. I smiled at people I knew in the buzzing hoards of runners, and almost as soon as I sat down and gave up on trying to find someone, Liza made her way out of the crowd. I hugged her and started crying again (which I'm sure overwhelmed her) but I was just so relieved that I had someone.

Thanks, Squish.

Four days pass. I finally call my doctor to explain my symptoms, and he tells me that I have Runner's Colitis, a condition I'm predisposed to given my Crohn's Disease. He gave me a few suggestions, but I was entirely preoccupied with his first instruction: STOP RUNNING.

It's almost been a week since I've ran, which is the longest I've gone without running in more than a year. I know my body is asking for the break, but not being able to run has forced me to overhaul my daily workouts, trying to find something that will make me feel both fatigued and invigorated. Thankfully, yoga has been a godsend, and my membership is being put to very good use.

I'm trying my hardest not to let it get to me, but my running shoes have been staring at me from the floor of my closet, begging me to take them out. This transition is also coming at a time in my life when I'm looking graduation straight in the face, changing jobs (well, taking a job), and moving halfway across the country. I'm trying to take it in stride (excuse the pun) but it's a process. Thankfully my "no running" prescription is not permanent, but since running has been and integral part of my daily life and overall lifestyle for so long, giving it up cold turkey has not been easy.

After the race, I got a text from Liza saying, "from Katherine (her friend who ran the Holy Half as her first half marathon) FWD: tell your sister she is my running hero and even though I don't know her well I aspire to be a 'runner' like her!"

I keep looking at this to remind myself that just because I can't run right now doesn't mean that I'm any less of a runner. Sure I had a bad race, but I've now completed four half marathons. I don't know when I'll get the go-ahead from my doctor to be an active runner again, but when I do I'll just be thankful that I'm out there. And for now, I'm making really good friends with my manduka eko.

decoding food

One of the perks of borrowing my dad's Kindle over spring break was that I was able to read Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food.

Now I'm somewhat of a self-proclaimed foodie who's gained the majority of her food knowledge from the Food Network, Top Chef, and Cooking Light magazine, but I'm just starting to scratch the surface of the world of nutrition. While I have been a consciously "healthy eater" since college - desperately trying to avoid the Freshman-15 - according to Michael Pollan, the way I eat is a prime example of the "nutritionism" that has taken over American diets, and the distinction between healthy eating and nutritious eating.

I would highly recommend reading this book, if only to make you more aware of what you are actually putting in your mouth on a daily basis. I thought it was fascinating how Pollan fleshed out how the American diet, which developed when we learned how to get quick calories from processed grains. However, in processing our foods, we have almost completely rid once nutrient-rich foods of any nutritional value. And that's where the scientists come in. For the past 30 years, food scientists have been trying to pinpoint nutrients, and then use those nutrients or other health claims (low-fat! low-carb! high-fiber!) to make foods seem "healthy" and "nutritious". Pollan begins his book with his mantra, "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." He dissects each of these statements at the end of the book without prescribing a diet plan, but by providing guidelines that we can all use to make truly nutritious choices in what we eat (don't eat anything with more than 5 ingredients on the box, avoid food in boxes that make health claims, etc.)

Since finishing the book, I have been much more aware of what I'm eating, but I've also realized that some of the things that I thought were healthy are actually just unhealthy in different ways. Take non-fat salad dressing. I've always thought that one of the easiest ways to save myself a hundred calories or so was to pick Fat Free. However, Pollan (and other sources, I've realized) recommend sticking with the full-fat variety. The reality is that non-fat salad dressing is simply substituting the fat with sugar, sodium, and other chemicals, and the fat in an olive-oil based salad dressing (or any other natural oil) actually allows your body to absorb the nutrients in all of the greens in your salad. I call that a win-win.

Now I'm not saying it's easy or inexpensive to eat the way Pollan recommends eating, but it is a kind of ultimate goal. Since there's no organic grocery store within a ten mile radius of my apartment, I have to deal with the minimal organic selection at the Martin's around the corner. And while I'd love to become a  member of CSA (community-supported agriculture - they send you a box of produce each week) I'm still at the point in my life where most of that produce would go to waste before I could even think about preparing it. But there are also some things that might take a while to adjust to. Pollan would say that it's actually better for you to drink organic whole milk instead of skim. Unfortunately, I'm just not ready to give up my skim milk, but I can pay the extra dollar for the organic variety.

The bottom line is that it's a process, and even if I can't eat like a farmer, I can at least eat with a little more awareness.